fallen to earth part 2

Well, I’m back. I think I’m gonna continue the rant that I started the first time since I don’t think I said everything I wanted to. Anyways, I was talking about how I’m socially awkward and behind socially. Now I must say that there actually is a reason for all of this. For awhile I have always felt different from everybody else but I just thought I was “weird”. However, about three and a half years ago I began to really suspect it was a specific thing that made me the way I am. Overtime I started to find out more information and it was about four months ago that I became convinced that my suspicions were true. Now what exactly am I referring to? Well, I’m not going to say specifically what it is but I’ll just say that it is something that affects every aspect of my life; the way I think, the way I interact with others, habits that I have, even the way I look. But I haven’t told anyone and I’m the only one who knows. Sometimes I want to announce it to the world, but other times I wish to keep it forever to myself. It would change the way people would look at me, even though it would explain quite a bit. Discovering it has made me feel like a complete outsider, so separated from others. Sometimes, and I know this is a strong statement, I don’t even feel human. I feel like I was never meant to be here and that I “fell to earth” on accident. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to “fit in” in this world, there will always be something holding me back, always something that makes me different to the point where I feel unreachable. This complicates the point that I made before, how I want to form a relationship with somebody and even though I complain a lot about the world we live in, I tend to notice and appreciate the beauty in certain things. Now if only someone could find the beauty in me….


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January 2010
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